
Sin. Eeek who wants to talk about that. Not me. Ever since I can remember I've been a full on sinner. Oh the stories I have! Oh the stories I'm sure I will have in the future. Lord help me!
For so long I have thought my biggest problem, my biggest sin, my biggest worry, my biggest pain, my biggest trouble was money, greed, judging, lust, those are the front runners that come to mind right now. I am learning it is my lack of Trust, lack of Abiding, lack of Hope that is the real deal...
I have felt I am wrong to ask for material things and money from others who have it and I am wrong to ask.
I have felt I was wrong to take from others when I needed and I was wrong to take.
I felt wrong to think a man has super cool things about him even when he was not my man.
But the worst the very worst is when I believed I was alone. WOW what a lie!
I am here I hear.
He is here.
I have held on to a great guilt from spending money, using money, coveting money, wishing I had other people's money, and not being grateful for "my" money. "My" because as we all know nothing we possess is really ours. Everything belongs to Him.
I am told through accepting Jesus' atonement for my sins WE ARE HEALED. Our sins are washed away. But what in the world does that mean?
Gradually really accepting Jesus in and through every aspect of myself, sorta like coffee peculating, letting the word and truth, the gospel, the Joy into my life, my soul, my body, my mind, my heart, my spirit I am truly atoned.
Lord come into every aspect of my life and wash away the sin.
He cares nurtures and protects me as I learn.
OH MY GOD WHAT WE CAN DO! Together! Helping! Eternally!
I am told forgiveness never disappoints.
To simply and GRATEFULLY ACCEPT help.
To give freely the help I am so blessed with!
So true!
So how does this play out in real life? Real diapers and wipes. Real covetousness. Real stealing. Real lusting. Real judging. Real sinning.
Will peace really arrive or is the point to search and search and search deeper?
I can only hope my most peaceful years are NOT now. Oh boy is this is it! (smile)
What reform is God calling to you and I...
We can only listen and obey.
How deep my need for You God really is but I'm guessing You will abundantly show me how much I really need You!
If this is rock bottom for us do we really have hope?
HELL YES!
Why do I write this stuff?
Are white lies actually ok?
Is following all the rules this world has to offer actually part of YOUR purpose, Your plan, Your movement?
At times I don't know why I still don't feel Your deep forgiveness but I trust You will show me. You will teach me. And I feel.
I don't still know why I constantly think people don't like me. Lord heal me!
Why should anyone ever feel like a reject, an outsider, a weirdo, the poor kid in the corner, not clean enough, not together enough, not invite-able enough when You will be the One and Only One we will give an account to at the end of our life.
Not sure if I'll ever be skinny enough again (smile)...
Not sure if I'll ever be "rich" with money again...
If I'll ever actually give my entire life to You. But this is my utmost goal! Even beyond my hill country acreage dream! (smile)
If I will ever LIVE , really live, with an eternal mindset. Fixed on You my friend. My dear friend Jesus.
Will I ever know if I'm doing my job right?
If my job as a mother and wife is really the highest calling?
Will we really SHARE a relationship with You, me and my amazing husband sharing and living through and in You JESUS CHRIST. SEXY!!!
Will my relationship with my Mom and Mom-in-law ever be pure without all the crap this world tries to put between us and Your Love.
Will we see eye to eye on Your highest calling?
Don't know if I am a true friend to others.
Not 100% sure if I would betray my best friends.
cheat on my husband
hurt my children
make people think my children should be taken away from me.
All this uncertainty and yet I sense Your certain Love in my life.
If security in wealth really is fleeting
and
my thirst for You will never be quenched on this earth
then what next?
Forgiveness, Abiding, and Hope!
I long to write music and perform.
To act, write, and direct.
To reflect Your Love through the ARTS!
To reveal the deep deep connection between BODY and SPIRIT!
Show us Your way to help this country live for MORE!
May we CREATE what You desire us to CREATE.
YOU will!!!!
May we keep experimenting, exploring, searching, loving, living, reconciling, readying, praying, forgiving, believing, hoping, and abiding!
I sure HOPE to!
Help me actually let my husband be who he really is and quit nagging, dictating, manipulating, bossing, judging, fearing blah blah blah!
Thank you reality !
So grateful for Your blessings!
Change us Lord!
Jesus Christ is the beautiful end to our soul searching! Hallelujah! Amen!
If these dark times will ever LIGHT UP and lighten up that would be a start!
Making our lives a LIVING HOPE in You Lord.
May we find the Joy of YOUR saving help in worship, praise, thanks, and GIVING through one another. May we fulfill Your Purpose through You Christ, feel like that should not even need to be said by now but will continue to include. All things through You Christ bringing Joy to children and people, nurturing, caring, helping, and protecting one another. By learning to abide in Your Love at all times and in all circumstance. Knowing You will provide all the care and protection we will ever need through people HELPING people. FAMILY HELPING FAMILY. Friends helping friends. And lastly and most difficult for me May we openly ask for penitence. By identifying when we are putting money, greed, lust, SIN before You , before our family and friends, before humanity heal us. Atone us! A.H.G.T.Y.F.G.A.!

