self-sacrifice

Where does the development of "self" come from? Our parents? Our childhood? Our teens and twenties? Education? Looks? Gender? Race? Economic status? Religious practices? Friends? Siblings? Experiences? Travels? Jobs? Careers? Time?

How do we find our "sense of self"? Our sense of "who we are"? Our interests, strengths, talents, gifts, intelligences, assets, ways of contribution, personalities, humanness, power, needs, wants, wishes, desires, controls, intentions, expectations?

The spiritual journey of becoming a disciple of Jesus I am told starts with self-sacrifice.


Matthew 10:38-39 reads "If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me."

Is the pursuit of God an interior journey?

Can God be as close as we think? Within each one of us ready to be set on fire, praised, received, glorified, made whole?

Is this blasphemy or truth?

Do we believe incredible things will happen within our selves because of Him?

Does this bring us one step closer to NOT run from suffering but embrace it, allow it, all the while knowing He is within?

If He is within us and we let Him lead are we not a small bit closer to following, taking up the cross, saving and being saved?

From C.S. Lewis' "Counting the Cost":

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you know that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself!

"The question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us."

Lord I knew I needed some major "cleaning up" if you will. I knew I needed help with blame, guilt, jealousy, possessiveness, greed, judgment, patience, lying, just to name a few right this moment. Lord I know I will need your saving grace over and over and over again and pray I will continue to look to You. To look to You within. Holy Spirit thank you. Christ Jesus thank you. God thank you. Lord I trust wherever you are taking me presently. Jesus Christ, Lord God Almighty, Holy Spirit I invite awareness of Your presence within. I invite the "dying" of "self" to follow You. It feels so scary but I have been willing to loose my life in so many other ways previously why not for the One good and true reason-YOU! My eyes, my heart, my body, my mind, my soul are to You gracious and loving One. Amen.